Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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