no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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