im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
