I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
false alarm, still single
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