After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You ruined the universe
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
