I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
