I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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