please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
