My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
