dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
