A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize