Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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