my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
