There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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