Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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