wanna go halves on a baby?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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