twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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