in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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