remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
