So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
is wine microwaveable?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
