And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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