I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
