I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize