mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
