I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
