I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
