i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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