he told me I talked like a deaf person
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
