the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
