She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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