I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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