So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
