I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
