i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
