you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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