yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Boobs speak an international language.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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