I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
