Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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