dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
