Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
