I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
