Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
