He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
