I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
