It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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