can we get nightvision for the apartment?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
