i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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