Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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