Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
