I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
