imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
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driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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