Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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