Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
