I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
