I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
