I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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