booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
