he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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