That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
