I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
