think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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