i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
