I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
