No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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