she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Never joke about your clitoris.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
